Contemporary Quibbles

contemporary worship

Dear Contemporary Church Worship Leader:

1. Can we stop singing songs about us singing songs to God?
2. Are the electric guitar solos and distortion necessary?
3. Do we have to say that phrase again? and again?
4. Does your keyboardist have to play “soft pads and strings” while you talk in a low, breathy voice?
5. When the offering plate reaches its destination, do you have to instruct us to stand in order to finish the last 20 seconds of the song?
6. Can we not take old “powerful” and driving Hymns and remake them into soft and emotional ballads?
7. Can we take the time to discern which songs are for corporate worship which are for private/group worship and use each in their proper setting?

Dear Contemporary Church Service Attendee:

1. It is okay to raise your hands but the closed eyed hip grind is a bit too much.
2. If you take the liberty to sing harmony with every song, ……… join the worship team.
3. Parents, lets worship God and not have a dance lesson and smile-fest with our little kids. Be an example.
4. Sir, it is mid-July, do you really need the stocking hat?
5. I think it is great when the man puts arm around his wife/pew at church, but whats up with all the back rubbing and occasional gaze into each others’ eyes?
6. Is that coffee still good/hot? You have been holding it the entire service.
7. Is the cell phone Bible easier on the eyes??

contemporary church